It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sober January is a disaster.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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