Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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