I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
