So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
