so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize