The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
