i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
