im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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