Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
