Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
