I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
