Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
