The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
