i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
