Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
