I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
