I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
