threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
