He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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