my vag is so smooth its legendary
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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