Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
