There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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