We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
