I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
