woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
