i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
