I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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