Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
