in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
