There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize