what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
