You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
