I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
