Cold hands, warm shart.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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