I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
