3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A bitchslap is in order.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
