Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
