he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
