Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
