im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
