I hate your face
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
