his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
