dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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