Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
