So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
