the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
