Where is the hickey?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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