your room smells of hookers.
And success
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
