Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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