Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
