got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
