remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
