We're facebook friends in real life
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
