I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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