well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
