Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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