plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
