Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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