Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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