Got a toothbrush?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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