Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
