put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
