Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
